How To Choose A Therapist


Ever wonder about how to choose a good therapist? Today I would like to share my thoughts on this important question.

I deeply believe a client can feel more understood when the therapist has clinical experience with the situation the client is bringing to therapy. Should the therapist have the same personal experience, even better. This implies that the client knows what concern is bringing them into a therapist’s office. But if the client doesn’t know, an intuitive therapist can quickly assess and understand what is causing the pain in the client’s life.

Carl Jung, the great Swiss psychiatrist and intuitive thinker, once remarked that a therapist cannot take his or her clients further emotionally than they themselves have gone. I believe that. And yet, while I am not suggesting that every therapist needs to experience every circumstance a client has undergone, I do believe there can be a deeper understanding of a client’s pain or stress levels when a therapist has experienced a similar trial. For example, a divorced therapist would be able to empathize more accurately about the layers of pain going through a divorce. A recovering therapist would be more capable of role modeling how to stay clean and sober one day at a time.  A therapist who has lost a child would be better able to empathize and validate the depth of grieving parents must manage to survive.  I specialize in the loss of a child because I know the ongoing agony of that realty.

Good therapists really do help their clients survive terrible times. I also think the best therapists are “Wounded Healers.” As long as they have worked on their own places of sorrow, betrayal, fear and loss these therapists are sensitive to your pain. It is also not disrespectful to ask your potential therapist if he or she has engaged in their own personal therapy. Ask about their experience with your particular situation, too, and their fee schedule as well. I once received an inquiry call from someone who asked me if I were afraid of the people who came in for therapy. I responded I was afraid only of those who said they “didn’t need it.” Everyone can use some help, insight and time for reflection and introspection – never mind support – once in a while.

Also, when you choose a therapist, be aware that ineffective people are found in every profession and trade and the psychology field is no exception. A therapist once told my poor husband and me that we needed to get over our daughter Katie’s death. That’s where I learned the exit door must be used swiftly – which we did – if you find yourself in an office with someone cold or apathetic. Remember, you are the person paying for the counseling service so if it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t right.

Because psychotherapy is important and sacred work, be mindful and wise when you choose your therapist. Pick someone who is intelligent, kind, confident and qualified. Make sure you genuinely like the therapist you meet and feel a nice rapport with them. Focus less on how many degrees he or she has than on someone whom you researched: listen to your gut.

A final suggestion is to get a referral from someone you respect for a therapist who has a solid reputation for being ethical, honest, and real. You know, real as the sick little boy’s bunny in the story of The Velveteen Rabbit. The bunny that was loved “so hard” that his whiskers were loved off and the pink lining to his ears turned gray. That’s the kind of therapist you want sitting across from you. That’s the kind of therapist you want listening emphatically as you come to understand your heart, your soul, your secret dreams and your pain. Yes, that’s the kind of therapist you ultimately want helping you not only to make the most of your 55 minute hour but to help you Make Every Day Matter as well.